“Why Overwhelm Is Not the Problem.It’s the Shame of Feeling Behind.”
Not long ago, someone in one of my programs sent a quiet message.They had received their welcome package and were moved by it deeply.But then came a line I’ve heard many times from the sensitive, soulful people: “I feel like I’ve missed too much...and when I feel behind, I tend to disappear.”Not because they don’t care.Not because they’re disorganised.But because something tender inside whispers, “You’ve lost the rhythm. You don’t belong anymore.”
If you’re a quiet leader someone who listens deeply, carries responsibility with care, and feels the unspoken energy in a space you might know this feeling well.The moment you fall out of sync, even slightly, you don’t push harder.You pull away.And the longer you’re quiet, the heavier it gets to return.
You’re not battling the clock.. You’re battling your inner critic.
It’s easy to say “just catch up” but the real weight is emotional. It’s not about missing a module.It’s about the subtle grief of missing yourself in it.In behavioural psychology, this kind of mental shutdown is called cognitive overload. When the mind is asked to hold too many tabs open email, WhatsApp, links, logins, reminders it stops responding with curiosity. It starts responding with self-protection.As Rory Sutherland an expert in behavioural science, puts it: “The opposite of friction isn’t speed.It’s momentum.”And momentum dies the moment we feel unseen, unsure, or out of rhythm
The Real Reason People Disengage
People don’t fall away from programs, teams, or creative journeys because they lack commitment.They drift because the shame of falling behind begins to outweigh the joy of returning.This is what Dr. Gabor Maté speaks when he says: “The attempt to escape from pain is what creates more pain.” When we feel we’ve fallen out of step, it’s not just about missing content, we feel like we’ve lost a place at the table. And then silence becomes its own exile.
So What Can We Do?
1. Choose One Door and Let It Be Enough
Where do you naturally check in? Is it email? WhatsApp? A voice note thread?Pick one. Let that be your doorway.
Not the pressure of every door. just the one that feels most human and reachable to you.Let it become familiar. Let it be enough.Let it be your hearth. Warm, steady, trustworthy.
2. Let the Pause Be Part of the Practice
Silence does not mean absence.It means something is moving beneath the surface. You do not need to catch up. You do not need to explain.Returning is an act of courage, not a confession.The sacred does not rush. It welcomes.
“Shame corrodes the very part of us that believes we are capable of change.”
— Brené Brown
3. Name What Is True
If you have felt behind, out of rhythm, or unsure how to step back in start there. Say it. Let yourself feel it without judgment:
“I still belong here. Even if I come back quietly. Even if I missed something. Even if I have just been breathing through the week.” You are not late. You are right on time for your own shift. And that is more than enough.
Final Reflection
Most people don’t drift away because they’ve stopped caring.They drift because they believe they were the only one who slipped.And that quiet belief sits just beneath the surface, unspoken.What brings someone back — to a space, to themselves, to the work is not strategy or polish. It’s a presence that says:“You still belong here.Even if you come in quietly.Even if you lost the thread.Even if all you can do this week is breathe.”That’s not just good practice.That’s how real transformation begins.Through warmth.Through safety.Through the reminder that no one is too far gone to return.
